5
She loves God more than me.

So, I’ve researched a lot about this subject in the past. So here it is: I met a girl, seemed great to me in almost every way and she declared she wasn’t religious no more when we met. Now she suddenly declares that she is going to be religious again as we was just getting serious. I think this is partly due to me making her feel bad about her past decisions.

Now, I hate the idea of Religion but I can’t comment on her belief in God, as really, I have no proof.

She’s very stubborn and I feel I could love her a lot. However I don’t want to waste my love on someone who loves something else more. I have a lot to give,I really feel it’s either me or God. She’s taking God. Pretty messed up to me I think. Surely “God” wouldn’t want that? I feel I could make her happier than any religion, yet if I continue to see her, then she will believe this is because of God.

This has hurt me a lot, and she really isn’t budging. Also, I feel let down, I feel like I respect her a little less. I don’t get many girls to be true to myself, so do I just accept and hurt or is it better to be alone?

I fear one day she will just gradually drift away from me and possibly find happiness in a religious man. I will be the one hurting, she will just be at one with God. But my feelings are here now. It’s not nice knowing you come second, especially to something you can’t contend with.

I feel like I need to prove it to her, yet it will be wasted I’m sure.

Posted: March 28th 2011

Eric_PK

I’d like to flip around your question.

Do you think it would be fair to her for you to pretend that this isn’t an issue when it obviously is. Doesn’t she deserve somebody who doesn’t think less of her for her beliefs?

My experience with couples of different religious beliefs has been mixed. I’ve seen it work with couples where neither was very devout in their beliefs (the religious person wasn’t a churchgoer), but in most cases things like church attendance are problematic. I have some friends where the churchgoer became more interested in church than the spouse and ended up in an affair with another churchgoer.

I’ve also seen some problems with children. While a couple can compromise on a lot of things, there’s no way to compromise with kids. Either you teach them belief or you don’t. Either they attend church or they don’t. It’s also very common for people who didn’t seem that devout to suddenly become much more devout when kids come along.

My general advice is that relationships are hard enough when you don’t have to deal with a religious divide, so don’t buy pain that you don’t need.

Posted: March 31st 2011

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George Locke

I hesitate to give relationship advice about a situation I know so little about. The first thing I take from your question is that you seem very upset, as though you already know your girlfriend is lost to you. If that’s the case, you have my sympathies! The thing is, it’s not clear why theism is such a deal-breaker for you. God-belief by itself is rather harmless, and it’s not clear to me what religious trappings she’s bringing to the table.

You don’t say much about how your girlfriend has changed aside from her saying that “she is going to be religious again”, so I can’t tell whether your upset is really justified. From where I’m sitting, I can’t be sure that she’s really choosing God over you, or if she’s just choosing God-belief rather than capitulating to your atheism.

You need to talk to her about your fears lest they run away from you. Any attempt “prove” anything to her would be beside the point, and indeed that could be part of the problem. What’s important is whether the two of you can respect each other enough to maintain a caring relationship.

Posted: March 31st 2011

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Reed Braden www

You don’t want to play second-fiddle to an imaginary friend. Find the nearest set of hills and run, screaming, for them.

Posted: March 31st 2011

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Dave Hitt www

Run.

Just

Run.

Posted: March 31st 2011

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SmartLX www

Of course you have no proof that there’s no God, but what’s her proof that there is one? You could do worse than to ask her why she believes. If she’s rethought her own past actions because of you, you at least have her ear to some extent. Perhaps she might rethink her faith too.

If things continue as they are, she might not simply drift away. She could well be dragged away from you by her well-meaning fellow theists who discover that you’re not on the bandwagon, or by her own religion-addled conscience. If you want to save the relationship, I think you need to speak to her soon. That’s if you want to save the relationship, about which you appear significantly ambivalent.

Hope it works out for you, one way or another.

Posted: March 30th 2011

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