Is this atheist serious about being a born again Christian?

Ok so I meet a man. The man as a teenager was a devout Christian. He was bigger back then,got made fun of and had a hard family life with an alcoholic father.(so no surprise) He poured everything he was into being a Christian and went to college to study theology. He got married to a woman who was also a devout Christian.

They were youth “ministers” and constantly involved in the church and studied the Bible together all that mumbo jumbo. As his studies in religion continued he began to question, and when that happened the marriage began to go down hill. To escape having to deal with being unhappy with the life he had created he joined the marines. And volenteered to go to Iraq. She was a bit crazy as any fundamental christian is and he lacked the courage to leave her. He did everything she nagged him to do. Go to christian counseling, porn addiction classes…. it was all she/everyone else around him said because of his lack of faith and acceptance of sin in his life ie. porn and one night stands. He began to live a double life. After coming back from his deployment he began to pursue his degree again but this time with a scociology major minor in philosophy.

As years went by he became a flat out atheist. The wife believed he was just turning his back from God and would one day open his eyes. She continued to pray for him, nag him and demand more and more counseling. He wanted nothing more than to get rid of her. When He and I meet he told me he was divorced as was I. It began as just friendship. Turned out he was in the same faternity as a good friend of mine and then shortly after he came clean about still being married but wanting a divorce. I told him he should do what made him happy and said I could not be anything more than just a friend until the divorce was final. He filed for a divorce and moved out. She resistited at first but “accepted” it.

Here is where I messed up, He and I began to date and we both fell in love. She then began to get a 2nd wind and try to get him back, not accepting a divorce refusing to complete final paperwork. She called the cops saying he was going to commit suicide and when he showed up to meet her to help her deal with “moving” on she showed up with the cops and he was taken to the hospital to get evaluated. Anything that involved her became a mess. We find out I am pregnant. He is happy about it and wanted it. The final date had been set for the divorce but she convienced him to come talk about the legal agreements at a mutual friends house. He had been drinking and they got into an argument over the divorce and she was angry at him. She called the police and said that he had cocked her. long story short he was charged with a felony. She not knowing it would be so serious admitted to lying about the whole thing.

This is when he tells me he has found God. I can not help but laugh. He found God and believed that God wanted him to work it out with his wife. He then said he believed that even when you get a divorce under Gods eyes you are still married. Lets just say he went from being an atheist back to the opposite. He left me caring his child saying that he loved me and wanted to be with me but thought that this was what God wanted him to do.

I am completely blown away by the turn of events. While I am a huge pro choice supporter it is not something I could do. I told myself that I would raise the child and live with all that came from this. Months pass and he gets a hold of me and demands I get a prenatal paternity test, that his ‘mom’ paid for. He also tells me the baby is better off with him and his wife and wants me to give up my rights never see the child again and let the wife adopt it. He says that if I do not then he would take me to court and things would get nasty and expensive.

He is convinced that our entire relationship was based on sin and happened for a reason as the wife can not have children of her own. He doesn’t want me in his life to remind him of what 'he did’. I ask myself is it possible for someone to do a complete 180? Can you go from being an atheist to crazy christian? Was it just the stress of it all getting to him. He really believes the reason his life became so messed up was because he turned his back on God and not because of the crazy woman who did all that to him. The charges got dropped after he went back to her and he believes it is because he went back to God that this happened. I wonder if he did this just to make sure the charges got dropped and the drama stopped or if he was running from being a father. He even says he doesn’t love me and never did. Considering how things turned out I am grateful he left me for her because any man who would do that doesn’t deserve to be with me. I even wonder if he did this all just so they could have a child. To be honest it all seems too unreal to be true and I did laugh as things became more and more crazy.

Now I am left with a difficult choice should I fight for the baby or give it up. I do not think they would be the worst parents but definitely wouldn’t raise a child the way I would. I want to hear what you think as my mind is in a million places. Do not worry about saying I am a terrible person for putting myself in this position and neither one of us deserves to be parents. You know only the outline and I myself am kicking myself for my lapse in judgement. Background info I am 27 and he is 28.

Posted: August 27th 2011

Reed Braden www

It’s moments like these that I fall back on my tried-and-true philosophy: “Say, 'Fuck it,’ and bail.” Any further attempts to have anything in common with this loony will just lead to pain. Research custody laws where you live. I doubt he has any claim to custody since he never divorced his wife. If you decide to have the baby, sue him for child support, but don’t give that idiot any control over the child. Best not to even let him near it.

Posted: September 22nd 2011

See all questions answered by Reed Braden

flagellant www

There is some serious fruitcakeism going on here.

You start by saying that you both fell in love. With what may I ask? It wasn’t each other. Love is about loving people for what they are, not for who you imagine they are, or who you’d like them to become. You can’t have a proper relationship with someone who is systematically deceitful. Of course, no-one is perfect, but someone who has a habit of lying, e.g. about his married state, who has one-night stands, who is a serious pornography user, and threatens suicide, is outside the range of people among whom you should be seeking a partner. That he flipflops from belief to atheism and back again is not the sort of behaviour I would expect of someone with stable, non-neurotic views – it doesn’t match the description of any atheists I know.

And let’s be clear, loving someone is not a social service; it is about genuine reciprocity. It’s not that you’re a bad person; you’ve just made a serious mistake in relating to another. As a result, a poor innocent baby may suffer.

It is really outside the aims of this site to offer personal advice, except concerning questions relating to difficulties encountered by atheists, because of their atheism. The man you describe is clearly an emotional abuser. Why would you (and your baby) have anything further to do with him?

Posted: September 3rd 2011

See all questions answered by flagellant

George Locke

I’m very sorry to hear your troubles. You’re in a terrible bind. Sounds like this guy’s idea of Christian love is to fuck over the people who care about him.

Your mistake was an understandable one. From the sound of things, you were interested in him before you started dating. You took a risk in going out with him, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of. If love isn’t worth a risk, then nothing is. (If you find yourself in risky situations a lot, you might want to see someone about it.)

It’s important to accept responsibility when you’ve done wrong, but it’s equally important to recognize circumstances that are beyond your control or ability to predict. This guy is an asshole, and you’re not responsible for his shitty behavior.

As for what you can do now, it sounds like you’ll need legal advice on the one hand, and emotional support on the other. Reach out to your family and friends. I hope your parents are in the picture, because they could offer you some much needed love and assistance.

This guy seems like an unstable weakling with no will of his own. He bows to whatever authority is nearest, whether it be a church, a drill sergeant, or a noxious bitch of a wife. This man is not parent material.

Tell him that you’re keeping the baby, and that if he takes you to court, the only thing that’s going to happen is that he’ll never even get to meet his child. I’m certain it’s within your power to ensure such an outcome if you put your mind to it. (I would hesitate to take a paternity test, but you need to ask a competent professional whether refusing it would hurt your case.) It may be expensive, but the stakes really couldn’t be higher. This is your flesh and blood.

(From what you’ve written here, I see no reason to doubt what this guy is telling you. He probably saw himself as an atheist while you were together, and he probably sees himself as a Christian now. Don’t look for a hidden agenda when the facts speak for themselves.)

Posted: August 29th 2011

See all questions answered by George Locke


Is your atheism a problem in your religious family or school?
Talk about it at the atheist nexus forum