I’m not quite sure how to word this and I’m terrible at wording things in general so I’ll try my best. I was raised as a muslim (of the sunni denomination more or less if anyone’s interested) and I grew I got tired of the dogma and the plain blatant superstition that was meant to be taken at face value on the premise of blind faith as a child
Though I kept up the pretense for the sake of getting along I guess and in my teens, though I was quite apatheistic about the entire affair though in my mind I did possess some vague notion of a god so I guess you could assume I was teetering somewhere between the crossroads of being an apatheistic deist or an agnostic so I wasn’t entirely against religion. I never thought about since as a child I was never really quite interested in it and quite apatheistic I guess. It was just superstition to me and my family by and by were quite liberal in nature (since I haven’t been honour killed.. yet) though they do maintain a firm belief in god and such.
Eventually, I couldn’t really be ignorant about religion, especially about Islam, which in hindsight, I realize was, is and always will be a terribly ugly religion by doctrine and practice where the only way you could be a muslim and a decent human being would be to practice typical Orwellian doublethink via cherry picking the Quran or the Hadith. I couldn’t turn a blind eye to all the issues religion brought up (I used to live in the middle east and I’d hear of issues in Palestine and Israel and the 'never-ending feud between the children of Abraham as some cynical arabs would call it). I grew annoyed at the reverence concepts like faith and religion were given a free pass on. I grew annoyed at religion and it’s effect on people and society and children in particular. In short, over a period of a few years, I almost felt rage at the entire phenomenon and I still do. At how much religion gets away with. That the supposed morals and beliefs derived from a supersitious bronze age cult, almost the equivalent of modern urban legends as far as evidence could go would have such a tremendous and horrible effect on human society as a whole. Am I being immature for fostering this much dislike bordering on hate over this?
An instance would be, when a friend tried 'converting’ me I retorted saying something along the lines of islam merely being the result of an epileptic arabian sheperd with a massive narcissistic personality disorder plagued with a severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder and christianity being what happened when a jewish girl fibbed about her pregnancy. Of course I wasn’t entirely serious and it was more out of contempt that I retorted back as such but that’s what I mean here.
Is it.. well, I just wonder, is it simply me? Or is this simply a phase most atheists go through? I’ve been told I’m more of an antitheist than an atheist. I’ve even been called an islamphobe by certain christians and others and this simply puzzles me. Do I strike you as one? Because it’s not whether someone believes in a god or not that peeves me but religion, and this issue of faith.
Another reason that annoys me and infuriates me is that I can’t be very vocal, atleast where I live is because I’d probably get lynched by a mob for being an apostate. Yes, the penalty for apostasy in Islam is death, anyone who tells you otherwise is simply oozing apologia via every single orifice in their body by dodging the bullets and twisting what the arabic terms mean in general. It simply infuriates me when people who proselytize Islam to people who’re generally ignorant about it simply whitewash questionable facets of it such as death to apostates, inequality with regard to inheritance for women etc. It makes me even more angry when I see people who know nothing about Islam try and defend something as barbaric as this.
I guess, I’m just not sure what to do or where to channel this rage or if it’s even justified. Am I an antitheist? If I am, is it such a bad thing? I’ve even heard atheists say it’s immature and most try avoiding being labelled as such though I’m not sure if it’s the general view or such. I’m not necessarily intolerant of religion but I’ve been called so and I don’t know. Where do you draw the line between being extremely critical and being intolerant? I’ve been called bigoted and hindered by the same sort of dogma theists fall to, too by some though I don’t dislike or hate people, just those beliefs in particular. I feel like beliefs such as those simply poison everything, which is an exaggeration I understand, but I do feel like the world would be much better without it.
I guess, at the end of the day, I’m an atheist, and I’m angry. I’m really angry and I’m not sure what to do or if I should be this angry or if it’s mature to be so. I’m not too fond of sticking my neck out and getting beheaded over it by a mob but I don’t want to stay quiet either.
Posted: March 20th 2013